Wednesday, August 11, 2004

posted by: copernicus on 8/11/2004 11:46:00 PM
Ok, I guess this is it. I'm approaching my 30th orbit. 1 hour 15 minutes and counting.

I was on a path of reversion, finding myself heading towards and old mindset. Back to the angry days when I didn't give a fuck. Back to the days when all it took was a reason. Back to the frame of mind when the party started like this:

John, Todd and I. Our apartment, 18 months after high school graduation. The moving out party. We're out on the 2nd floor balcony, looking into the living room through about 20 people.......looking at the front door as it opens and 4 people walk through. I laugh a quick, forced laugh and say: "Hey guys, remember how I told you about Junior year, before we were hanging out, and somebody busted all 12 windows out of my Toyota, and how I never had any proof, but I always know who did it?"

John and Todd look at me over their left shoulders and nod.

"He just walked through our front door with my ex-girlfriend."

I continued: "The other couple were our best friends when we were dating, I've got no problem with them.

John and Todd and I all chug our beers.

The 2 couples who realize who's party they just showed up to suddenly want to leave and walk calmly back out the front door.

John, Todd and I take off our shirts.

The 2 couples go down the stairs and out to the parking lot. They start to get into their car, laughing about how badly that whole situation could have been when John, Todd and I come bursting out the front door of the stairwell.

Mr. Window Smasher is the driver and the only one not yet in the car when John, Todd and I surround it. The male half of the couple that used to be our best friends opens his door with a concerned look on his face.

As Mr. Window-Smasher is approached I yell: "Jason, stay in the fucking car!"

I hear the female half of the couple's voice and Jason closes his door.

The ex-girlfriend is watching from the passenger seat, but not saying a word.

Mr. Window-Smasher starts making excuses..........................................................

Police lights shine off of bare torsos in alternating red & blue splashes.........................................................

That's where I almost returned to tonight. The days when my Uncle looked across the thanksgiving dinner at my battered hands and laughed nostalgically.

This time a warning light went off in my head and told me that if I pushed my way through that door and let those old circuits flow again that one of us would end up in the hospital, and that would make a whole lot of things a whole lot worse for
for 2 people connected to the situation that I love very much.

Sorry for the run-on, but it couldn't be expressed any other way.

12 minutes 'till the 30th orbit.

and counting.....

***I INVITE ALL OF YOU TO TAKE A SHOT, NO MATTER WHEN YOU READ THIS***
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