Monday, July 26, 2004

posted by: copernicus on 7/26/2004 10:14:00 AM
Either:

"Slug, With Snail In Hot Pursuit"

Or:

"Like A Snail Chasing A Slug"



I used to be a bouncer in a Miami strip club. 2 Miami strip clubs, actually. Now I'm an L.P.N., and I didn't think I'd have to revert to my former occupation in a nursing home.....but tonight I almost had to intervene in order to keep one 90 year old guy from throwing down on another 90 year old guy.

I'm working my way down the hall with my Treatment Cart, changing dressings and doing breathing and wound treatments when I hear the following:

"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!"

Curious, I stick my head out into the hallway. One ninety-year old man, the Slug from the above titles, is slowly baby-stepping with his walker towards the dining room for breakfast. He's about 90% deaf, and moves at roughly 20 feet a minute.

Another ninety-year old man, the Snail from our story, is in a wheelchair, in hot pursuit, and cussing like Slug said something 'bout his Mama.

Slug can't hear any of this, and has no idea that Snail wants to kick his ass. Slug's just thinking about being first to the dining room so he can have the pick of the breakfast bar.

Snail: "Don't you walk away from me you bastard! I've had enough of your shit! Don't think I can't still box, goddmnit!"

Slug: "(Mmmm, First one in!)"

Snail, holding up large fists: "The Army taught me how to cripple a man, and I've got some long range weapons here!

Slug: "(I get the first cup of coffee,...)"

Snail: "Hey!"

Slug: "(...the pick of the fruit bowl,...)

---Snail only moves about as fast as Slug does, so no ground is being gained here, just (to them) a high-speed chase...except one of the racers doesn't even know he's involved...yeah---

Snail, getting tired: "That's right, walk away! You know what's good for ya."

Slug: "(...and a spot in front of the big screen T.V.)"

Snail, winded and stopping: "As long as you stayin in my room, you sit down when you pee! I'm the only man in this muthafucka!



................ok, I made up that last line.