Wednesday, April 14, 2004

posted by: copernicus on 4/14/2004 05:54:00 AM
Well, I was discouraged that no one was commenting on my last 2 posts (of which I was quite proud), and decided not to post until I got some feedback.

Thankfully Molly and methinks left a note or 2 before I could see just how dedicated I was to this premise.

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-----THANKS, MOM!-----

So anyway, my day started at about 2:30 p.m. (that's when I got up). I talked on the phone with my girlfriend for over an hour, laughing and talking shit as we are prone to do. She left me recharged and energized and I left the house with a smile on my face and hope in my heart.

I met my Mom and Aunt for dinner at Johnny Cascone's, a great Italian restaurant rumored to be mobbed-up (it seems the best ones are).

The great thing about working night shifts is; when you get up on your day off, other people are winding down as you start your day. Meeting Mom and her big sister for dinner was really breakfast for me.

Wanna hear a great way to have breakfast? We had:

Appetizers -

STUFFED MUSHROOM CAPS.....6.95
Fresh mushrooms filled with blended crab and
shrimp then baked with a creamy herb butter

and

SEAFOOD STUFFED ARTICHOKE.....9.95
*When in Season*
Castorville Artichoke filled with Modiga style
breadcrumbs drizzled with olive oil and butter
stuffed with blended crab & shrimp

Main Course (with Lentil soup)-

FRESH NORWEGIAN SALMON.....14.95
Seasoned, grilled & topped with honey soy glaze, served with
our creamy Fettuccini Alfredo

CHEESE FILLED RAVIOLI.....10.95
Our cheese filled ravioli served with Sugo
served with choice of Meatballs, Meat Sauce,
Italian Sausage, Mushrooms or Marinara.....add 1.95

and

SEAFOOD PASTA.....16.95
Linguini pasta tossed with shrimp, clams, crab,
calamari & mushrooms in a light Bechamel sauce

All of this was washed down with a bottle and a half of Merlot, and let me tell you -- when you wake up, pig out on good food and drink 3 glasses of Merlot, you spend the rest of your day in a happy, full-bellied buzz.

To top it all off, Mom picked up the check AND sent the leftovers home with me!

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-----THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN PREPARED-----

So we finished our dinner/breakfast, and the free meal and leftovers were contingent upon me dropping my Aunt at my Grandparent's house. Pretty good deal, huh?

We headed over to the old folks', and waiting for us there was
President Oil-Hungry-Warmonger-The-Second on the living room T.V. at high volume (the old folks are hard of hearing).

Ours is a God-fearing career military family (with me the only agnostic counter-culture dissident), and when the Government speaks, our family listens. So I sat down on the couch next to Grandpa and we all watched as the coke-headed son of a seriously shady former President proceeded to spew diarrhea from his mouth all over the National Press Core. If the Press had thought ahead (or had learned any lessons from the Reagan/Bush years) they would have brought rain coats and sheets of plastic to protect the reporters in the front rows like they used to at Gallagher concerts.

Once the onslaught of shit slowed to a trickle, Coke-head smirked, wiped his chin and openly threatened the Press and whoever was watching on television by kicking over the podium, puffing out his chest, flexing like Arnold and shouting "WHAT?! WHAT YOU FUCKING BITCHES?!"

I saw the look of patriotism in my family's eyes, sighed deeply in despair, gave hugs & kisses and excused myself.

=======================================================
-----ENCOURAGING SAFE SEX WITH SHAME AND POINTED FINGERS???-----

Discouraged by the rate of evolutionary progress on this planet, I left and headed home, stopping at the grocery store on the way.

I remember being 14 and becoming sexually active.

I also remember the warnings of DISEASE, S.T.D.'s and GETTING SOMEONE PREGNANT.

I remember our good family friend Brian dying slowly of A.I.D.S.

I remember being impressed upon enough to do the right thing and wear a fucking jimmy in my adolescent humping sessions.

I also remember the fear of a young teenager going into a pharmacy to buy condoms, embarrassed, avoiding eye-contact, feeling like strangers are watching you in your pubescent narcissism.

I remember being extremely relieved to find that the condoms were on a shelf in the aisle with the feminine products, reasonably out of sight of a main traffic aisle and away from prying eyes, providing a bit of anonymity so that the only person you'd have to deal with was the cashier. That way you can buy a few miscellaneous items to help disguise your naughty intentions from other shoppers in line and you make it out of the store with your dignity intact.

Well tonight in the grocery store, while walking towards the Pharmacy, I noticed that all the condoms were locked up in a prominently displayed glass case right next to the Pharmacy's Pick-Up Window.

A bright orange sign read: "PLEASE ASK FOR ASSISTANCE WITH ITEMS IN THIS DISPLAY".

Once I was a little older, buying condoms was no big deal anymore. By then I had gained enough self-esteem to realize that people seeing you buy condoms was free advertising, telling your fellow shoppers that you were a smoove muthafucka and were getting laid.

But to a 14 or 15 year old, this display case means that in order to do the right thing and practice safe sex, you have to call attention to yourself, your age and your sexual activity in front of all the adults and old people waiting in line to pick up their prescriptions. There is nothing for these people to do while waiting for their orders to be filled, so you can bet the whole line is going to notice the pharmacy tech come out from behind the counter, keys jingling, unlock the case and ask you "Which condoms did you want young man?"

You don't have a driver's license, so chances are you are at a store very close to your home. If your neighborhood is small enough, chances also are that someone in that line who's full attention is on your impending purchase might know you, your parents, your girlfriend or your girlfriend's parents.

So, are you going to call all this attention to yourself and risk your girlfriend's parents finding out that you and their "innocent little girl" are exploring each other's bodies and fucking like bunnies?

No. You are going to leave the store terrified, have unprotected sex and contribute one more pregnant 15 year old to the planet.

Hopefully you have an older brother to steal them from.

I told the pharmacist what I thought of his display case.