Monday, February 02, 2004

posted by: copernicus on 2/02/2004 08:39:00 PM
Todays Homerisms:

#1. Homer is carrying Marge out of the nuclear power plant to a round of applause like Richard Gere and Debra Winger at the end of An Officer and a Gentleman.
Lenny: "Homer! What do I tell the boss?"
Homer (looking lovingly into Marge's eyes): "Tell them I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love!" (And then with pride): "And I'll be back in 10 minutes!"
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#2. Homer: "Now kids, while your mother's gone, I don't want to wash any dishes. So from now on, we'll drink straight from the faucet or milk carton, and we'll eat while standing over the sink or toilet."
Bart: "Who's going to change Maggie?"
Homer: "We're going to let her roam free in the backyard, and nature will take it's course."
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#3. Homer is fighting with the phone company, and they disconnect his service.
Homer (standing quickly) “That’s it! They have awoken a sleeping giant!”
Marge (worried) “Homer, what are you going to do?”
Bart (with fingers crossed and eyes closed): “Crazy scheme, crazy scheme, crazy scheme,…”
Homer: “Get me TOOLS and BEER!”
Bart (triumphant)“YES!”
Scene switches to Homer climbing a telephone pole.
Homer: “Free service, here we come.”
He reaches the fuse box and begins shoving random wires into random fuses:
“Alright, Let’s try the red one.” ZAP!!! He takes a massive shock.
“Ok, I’ll try the green one.” ZAP!!! Another massive shock, this one leaving his hair smoking.
“Let’s try the red one again.” ZAP!!! Now his whole head is smoking.
“Let’s try ‘em TOGETHER!” ZZZAAAPPP!!! The shock this time throws him off of the pole and thru the air.
Scene switches to Homer waking up on the couch with a singed shirt.
Homer: “How did I get here?"
Bart: “We found you smoldering in the bushes.”