Tuesday, January 27, 2004

posted by: copernicus on 1/27/2004 03:23:00 PM
RANDOM PARAPHRASE OF THE DAY(inspired by an email fom Molly, this is one of my favorite Simpson's moments)

Homer and Marge are lying in bed, Marge is upset wih Homie, and Homie is horny and trying to get Marge to give it up. This is the dialog as best I remember:

Homer (propped up on an elbow looking longingly at Marge): "Are you horny?"
Marge (sitting up with arms crossed not looking a Homer): "No."
Homer (reaching up and flicking a button on his pajama shirt): "What if I undo this button?"
Marge (sighs digustedly and lays down on her side facing away from Homie): "GOODNIGHT HOMER."
Homer (in his deepest, gravelly-voiced Barry White impersonation): "What if I talk like this?"
Marge doesn't respond, just turns off the light and closes her eyes.
Homer (excitedly, as if he's thought of her weakness and can exploit it): "What if I sing to you?"
Homer begins to sing the song from Animal House where the guy is playing guitar on the frat house steps during the toga party and John Belushi walks buy, grabs his guitar and bashes it into oblivion.
Homer: "I gave my love a chicken, that had no bone.....MMM, Chicken!"

2nd RANDOM PARAPHRASE OF THE DAY
(I've had both of these on my voicemail in the past)

The Simpson home, Mr. Burns and Smithers are over for dinner. Burns has been trying to convince Homer to learn how to do his job so the plant won't get into trouble. Burns and Smithers are leaving and pause at the door.
Burns: "Remember, your job and the future of your family depend your successful completion of Nuclear Physics 101. Oh, and one more thing..."
The camera zooms in on Burns' face and the music turns ominous: "...You must find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon."
Everbody pauses because they have no idea what this crazy old shit is talking about.
Smithers: "Actually sir, we found the Jade Monkey. It was in your glove compartment.'
Burns (excitedly): "And the road maps and ice-scraper?"
Smithers: "They were in there too, sir."
Burns (clasping fingers together and hunching shoulders in his evil posture): "Eggggggggsssellent. It's awwwwwl falling into place."