Friday, January 30, 2004

posted by: copernicus on 1/30/2004 02:46:00 PM
Highlights of yesterday’s Simpson’s mini-marathon:

-Homer needs $500 to get into the bowling league and doesn’t know how he’s going to get it.
Scene opens with Marge and Homey lying in bed.
Marge: “No I will not pay you $500 for sex!”
Homer: “Ah, c’mon, Marge! You’re getting something in return, and I’m getting a bowling team. It’s win-win!”
Marge: “It’s sick!……and I don’t have that kind of money to spend on sex!”
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-Homer comes into the kitchen carrying Maggie at arm’s length,
Marge and Lisa are sitting at the kitchen table.
Homer (In a sing-songy baby voice): “Somebody wants Mommy to change a stinky diaper!”
Marge (With arms crossed and looking annoyed): “Is that ‘somebody’ you, Homer?”
Homer (Still in baby voice): “Yes it is!”
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-Microscopic view of Homer’s sperm,
Only 3 on the whole slide:
1 is sleeping,
And the other 2 keep bonking heads and going: “Doh!”
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Bart is home sick from school, and Grandpa is babysitting.
Grandpa: “…Oral thermometer my eye! We didn’t have oral thermometers in my day. Think warm thoughts, boy. This is gonna be mighty cold.”
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Bart’s first day back from being sick.
Mrs Krabbapple: “Bart, are you ready for your make-up test?”
Bart (clutching his abdomen in pain): “Oh, my ovaries!”
Mrs Krabbapple: “Bart, to avoid this test you’ve had Smallpox, the Bends and that unfortunate bout of Tourette’s Syndrome.”
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Mr. Burns: “Simpson, I want you to show this woman the time of her life.”
Homer: “Gotcha! Marge, we’re getting some drive-thru, then we’re doing it twice!”
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